Flit or Not? – Jan/27/1952

Hey guys it’s me Holden again, so I have some good news.. I no longer affiliate with those phonies at Pencey and in all honestly, it took me way to long to cut those nut jobs out of my life. Guys like Stradlater and Ackley make you want to grind your teeth against each other. But I think at times Stradlater was the only one that could understand me to a certain degree, and I mean I’m no flit or anything but I do think he’s actually pretty handsome. I don’t think flits are disgusting or anything but I defiently don’t like them like that, you know what I mean? Like, I just don’t know what a man could offer, that a woman couldn’t. Goddamn it I am starting to sound like one of those christian preachers that are always telling flits that it’s not okay to be gay and that God intended people to recreate. But who actually knows if God exists? That’s right, no one. Speaking of flits, the other day at Mr. Antolini’s house, I woke up to him petting my head. I know he has a wife but you always hear about those sexually deprived older males that would do anything to get their hands on a handsome 16 year old boy. I’ll tell you what I haven’t told anyone.. I’m scared, I am scared of flits but it isn’t  because I don’t like them, I am just worried that I actually might be one, considering I can’t be with girls for very long. I’m just very confused.

http://dailyfreedom.com/2009/06/how-to-deal-with-feelings-of-confusion/

Hey guys, I think that last website made a lot of sense and actually helped a little bit you know? I think this new link will help me with the confusion I have been having lately. This website says that I am probably just over thinking things and that having faith also helps dealing with confusion. But personally, I believe that is a load of B.S, but I guess I could look at the situation in the eyes of someone who actually has faith, to see if that could help my confusion but it also says to just relax and remember that everything I’ve  been confused about in the past has been okay so what makes this time different? Let me try to put this advice to work, I’ll be back when ever, bye.

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